Acquisitions

The majority of my day is spent between hearing two competing sides bitch and moan about what price to pay for a certain business. I’m only there to make sure that the legality of the matter is handled within compliance of the law. This isn’t what I always wanted to do when I was a kid. I wanted to be a hard-nosed prosecutor. Needless to say, I realized in law school that I’d rather have the cash.

Mergers and acquisitions pays an absurd amount of money. I can’t really complain. I have it much easier than most people. I’d probably die if I did one of those Mike Rowe Dirty Jobs. I much prefer sitting in air conditioned offices all day, drinking the finest of whiskeys.

The last few weeks have been quite interesting. Our firm has typically operated within the consumer goods industry, both cyclical and non-cyclical. For the most part, this has provided us with low-volatility. Of course, if the business is cyclical and it’s in a downturn, then things aren’t that great. But even in that case, we choose to hedge against the sector by trading triple-leveraged futures.

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It’s really a silly business that we are in. We don’t really create anything of value. Truth be told, I’d much rather do something fun like run a bed and breakfast or run a website reviewing dog crates.  Seriously, what types of problems could those people possibly have? One of the guests throw up on the bed? Someone not like their dog crate? Come on. Those problems are nothing compared to handling 8 figure deals.

People who work middle-class jobs have absolutely no reason to complain about their lives. That’s something that really grinds my gears. Small people, small problems, right?

That’s my motto. Quote me on it.

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